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Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

An Oktoberfest party at Hellbender Brewery is teeming with children. A couple walks in. The man stands in the middle of the madness looking around for a few seconds:

He mutters: “I can’t deal with this shit.”
*Walks out*

Let them be, the market will regulate itself 

A Stanton Park’s playground, three toddlers converse on one toy, two end up crying:

Dad, clearly an economist: “There’s definitely some market forces at work here.”

The ultimate betrayal

A man taking a break outside Safeway, talking exasperatedly on the phone:

“Let me really hurt your feelings: She only came over to smoke all your weed.”

“Friends”

Two coworker friends walking in Rock Creek Park, talking about work: 

Woman 1: “I’m excited we’re back in person now.”
Woman 2: “Yeah, because you like going into the office…”
Woman 2 mumbles to self: “…like a psychopath.”

We all know what happens when we assume…

20-something GW student walking on campus talking on her cell phone:

“Yeah, he is shy, that’s so sweet. But that’s why I think he is not fucking with other girls.”

Holidays must be fun

Man pushing shopping cart through Costco while on phone:

“She *is* my favorite sibling, though. The rest of them are garbage.”

And yet another true crime podcast host was born 

Two friends overheard in Shirlington, Virginia: 

Friend 1: “It was pretty graphic, but I didn’t know much about what he did since I was so young when it happened.”
Friend 2: “Jeffrey Dahmer is my gateway serial killer into loving true crime.”

Grow up and contract an infectious disease like a REAL man

Middle-aged white bro walking down the street in front of Friendship Hospital for Animals wearing sports clothes and wired headphones:

“Real men don’t wear plastic gloves OR masks.  That’s for pussies.”

As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.

The post Overheard In D.C.: Babies At Breweries appeared first on DCist.

This content was originally published here.

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Michael Bourdon

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